Why are goodbyes so hard?

So my eldest daughter is moving today to another state to start her new career.  We didn't have a big weepy goodbye but I already miss her and feel sad that she won't just be an hour away, but 24.  At least we can  FB, Skype, and play Draw Something on our phones.  For those things I am thankful.

This got me thinking about movie goodbyes.  The first one that came to mind is the ending of Father of the Bride 2 where the daughter has accepted a new job across the country.   He is happy for her, but heart broken.  The ending always baffled me - there were hugs, there were "miss yous" but not any tears.  Now I get it.  Those would be saved for later.

Why is saying goodbye so painful?  Living in Australia, I'm very far away from my entire family who all live in the States.  Every time I visit I know I have to have the airport goodbye scene.  It's in the back of my mind the moment I get off the plane in San Francisco and start the rounds of hellos and hugs.

Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes.  I meet people every day that I'll never see again, and I'm not affected by leaving them because there wasn't a relationship built.  It was merely an exchange of service and time.  But the moment that my heart takes part in the process, there is risk of it being make sore by the very lives who enrich it.  When I say goodbye to my loved ones, I hurt because I miss the physical involvement, the interaction, the voices, the facial expressions - everything that makes relationships so meaningful.  and face it.  I know that their lives will go on and continue without my being there, and that hurts a little too.

But when I say goodbye I hope that I can leave a little of myself behind each time.  Words of encouragement, words of love.  Anything that might make a difference.  I see us all like individual tapestries made up of different coloured threads from people's lives that have influenced us.  We weave our threads into other people, every day.  I said earlier that in leaving some people, I'm not affected because there hasn't been a relationship built.  But there can still be threads exchanged.  Some might just fall to the ground without having been hooked, but I believe that even just one kind word or a smile can make a difference in the goodbye.  I hope that the threads I leave behind can offer even the slightest bit of colour to someone's life.  A large tapestry is made up of thousands of threads all woven together - each individual one being part of the final product, mine being included.

Today is Good Friday.  Jesus made the most of His earthly goodbye.  In His last week He saw all His good friends, had supper with them, washed their feet, prayed to the Father on their behalf, suffered and ultimately gave His life for them.  and for us and all mankind.  He was headed back home to heaven.  His horrible, painful, excruciating last goodbye was so that we could have an eternal hello with God.  And what makes all my goodbyes on this earth worth it is knowing that there will be a day I no longer have to say those words to my loved ones, and that we'll all be together forever.

Movie Review - Hunger Games

Well, I saw the Hunger Games tonight with my husband and two girls, aged 13 and 15.  This is already the second time the oldest one has seen it (it only came out yesterday).  I read the book first, and if you haven't read it yet, WAIT until after you've seen the movie.  It will complement it better (and spare you some of the movie's tension if you're a sensitive type).

The premise of the movie is horrible really.  It's futuristic North America (now "Panem" divided into twelve districts, governed by the "Capitol."  Each year there is a lottery system where one girl and one boy aged 12-18 from each district is chosen to be a representative, or "Tribute" in The Hunger Games.

"Part entertainment, part brutal intimidation of the subjugated districts, the televised games are broadcast throughout Panem. The 24 participants are forced to eliminate their competitors, literally, with all citizens required to watch. When 16-year-old Katniss' young sister, Prim, is selected as the mining district's female representative, Katniss volunteers to take her place. She and her male counterpart Peeta, will be pitted against bigger, stronger representatives who have trained for this their whole lives." (IMDB)


It reminded me a little of the short story written by Shirley Jackson called "The Lottery" and of the short story written by Stephen King called "The Long Walk."  Unlike the second mentioned though, I didn't form any emotional ties to many of the participants in The Hunger Games.  The audience is kept at a safe distance but of course you're pulling for Katniss to come home to her younger sister.  She is deftly played by Jennifer Lawrence ("Winter's Bone," "X-Men: First Class").  Her character is strong but without the "kick-butt" attitude.  She is strong because she has had to be for her fatherless family.  But she makes mistakes along the way and doesn't come out unscathed.


I liked the acting, the directing, the costumes, the cinematography but I didn't like the story line.  It's disturbing.  It's violent.  It's manipulative.  I don't like the idea that 12 year-olds are pitted against 18 year-olds who have been brought up to win these Games.  And I don't like the idea that the mothers of these 12 year-olds are forced to watch.  It can do one's head in.


Two Tributes touch on the subject of having the fear of losing themselves or becoming someone they're not for the sake of the games and for the entertainment value.  They know they are pawns that have to play the game in order to try and survive for others.  A bit like "reality" television these days.  We know there has to be editing magic and manipulation going on to pull in the ratings.  In the movie, there has to be manipulation by behind-the-scenes choreographers in order to not bore the Capitol viewers (kind of like the Truman Show) when too much time has lapsed between killings.  And some of the Tributes are conscious about that.  But when is enough really enough?  When does one stand up to change the rules? How far is one willing to lose oneself to survive?  And how much are people getting desensitised for the sake of entertainment?


The book, written in first person, gives the reader much more depth into what Katniss is feeling and thinking, what her take on the Games is, and what her motive for doing things is.  But Jennifer Lawrence does a pretty good job at showing the audience what she's on about.


The movie is rated M for violence and subject theme.  Though there is not lots of blood and gore, there is quick camera action of brutality.  I don't recommend it for young viewers (it made my 13 year old quite squirmy) and in fact, when someone asked me tonight if I recommended it, I had to pause and think.  I'm not sure.  The movie is made well and will definitely draw in the teens.  It's much meatier than Twilight (and better acted).  But I value life.  


This is not a feel-good movie with a victorious, ball-goes-in-the-hoop in the last second and underdog team wins the game kind of ending.  This is a story about a society whose value has been taken away and replaced with a sadistic, controlling, big-brother governing system.  This is the first installment of a trilogy, so I'm hoping there will be some light at the end of this very long tunnel.

Top 200 Greatest Movie Performances of All Time

The list of the "200 Greatest Movie Performances of All Time" was released today by TotalFilm British Magazine.  Here are the top 10:

10.  Liam Neeson - Schindler's List
9.    Paul Newman - The Hustler
8.    Jane Fonda - Klute
7.    Denzel Washington - Malcolm X
6.    Marlon Brando - On the Waterfront
5.    Emily Watson - Breaking the Waves
4.    Al Pacino - the Godfather Part 2
3.   Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will be Blood
2.   Robert DeNiro - Raging Bull
and
1.   Jack Nicholson as RP McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

So what do you think so far?  My first question was:  Where's Meryl?  Well, she somehow ended up at No. 11 for Sophie's Choice.  Hmph.

I have only seen 5 of those 10 so I can't say a whole lot, but I wouldn't have complained if Daniel Day-Lewis vied for number 2 or 1 because his role as Daniel Plainview  was the movie.  He was mesmerizing.

Here's the second lot of ten:

11.  Meryl Streep - Sophie's Choice
12.  Gene Hackman - The Conversation
13.  Michael Caine - Get Carter
14.  James Stewart - Vertigo
15.  Tom Cruise - Magnolia
16.  Jodie Foster - The Accused
17.  Sylvester Stallone - Rocky
18.  Hilary Swank - Boys Don't Cry
19.  Peter O'Toole - Lawrence of Arabia
20.  Bette Davis - All About Eve

My second question was:  Where's Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch?  Can you believe...number 81!  What?  and Tom Cruise at number 15?  Where's Tom Hanks?

When I looked at the whole 200 on the list, almost everyone who has been around in the business for more than 30 years is on there for one role or another. So that kept me happy enough.  The youngest of the lot I believe is Jennifer Lawrence for Winter's Bone coming in at number 30-something.  A few times I thought of a different movie than what was chosen for a particular actor, like Rain Man for Dustin Hoffman instead of the Graduate, or Cool Hand Luke instead of the Hustler for Paul Newman.

There were a few that didn't make it on the list at all...Ernest Borgnine (Marty), Sally Field (Norma Rae), Bruce Willis (Die Hard) (hey, even Hugh Jackman came in at no. 129 for Wolverine) and Robin Williams for Mrs. Doubtfire (or Good Morning Vietnam).

And the shocker of the whole list was #197... Keira Knightly as Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice.  Huh? Over BBC's Jennifer Ehle? I don't think so!  I have a list of several ladies I could think of that weren't mentioned that could easily take that spot:  Glenn Close (who changed the whole culture of infidelity in Fatal Attraction), Judy Dench (who else can play "M" in Bond?) Barbra Streisand (Funny Girl).  I'd even choose Joel Haley Osment who saw dead people over Keira Knightly.

Well, here's the whole list.  See what you think and then Let's talk Movies and don't forget the popcorn!

Book to Movie or Movie to Book?

After you watch a movie you've liked, do you find the book and read it?  Or once you read a book do you see the movie?  Someone once asked me what my favorite book-turned-movie was and I must admit I haven't seen that many movies after first reading the book.  If anything, I much prefer to read the book after I've seen the movie.  The only way I got through the Lord of the Rings trilogy was having the characters' faces and voices in my mind, along with the scenery that I thought the movie beautifully captured.  I loved hearing Sean Astin's voice in my mind as I read about faithful Sam and Ian McKellan's rich baritone Gandalf.  And I discovered that the movies stretched the battle scenes way over the paragraph they got in ink.

But, after having said that, I clearly remember reading Charlotte's Web as a child and crying when dear Charlotte died.  So when I saw the animated movie after reading the book I was delighted to hear the voices and the songs and see on screen what the book had first captured in my imagination.  And I still shed tears along with poor Wilbur when Charlotte didn't come back to the barn (and just for the record, I personally think Debbie Reynolds had a much better voice for Charlotte than Julia Roberts in the later version, and hurray for Paul Linde as Templeton).

And I've just finished reading the ever popular The Hunger Games and there is great anticipation for the movie that comes out in a couple of days.  The previews I've seen look promising and so far seem to match the book.  I'm happy for who they've picked for the female lead, though because of the book, I had someone different in mind for the starring male.  And because I've read the book, I hope it doesn't spoil the already known ending or some of the bits in the middle that us readers have been privvy to.

I have come to accept that movies will have scenes in them that weren't in the book, or dialogue is changed, or characters added or omitted.  Directors need to change things from paper to make sense visually for an audience and they only have so much time to tell a story.  What I like about reading is that it fills in what a movie can't explain.  In The Help for example, there was more explanation on why poor Celia Foote was seen as a social outcast and more depth to Constantine's story.  Once I read the book, the movie became more meaningful to me because I knew more truth about the characters' plights and what they were thinking about.

So do you prefer watching a film or reading the book?  Do you have a favorite book-turned-movie or vice versa?  Can you think of any books you've read that you think shouldn't have been made into a movie?  Let's talk movies and don't forget the popcorn!

Movies: Labor of Love...Having Babies in the Movies

Having babies is an obvious part of life.  It has been happening since the First Couple was kicked out of the garden but as far as movies go, they have been telling the story for just over 70 years, first starting with Gone with the Wind ("I don't know nuffin' about birthin' no babies Miss Scarlett!").


I read an article from birth-media.com entitled "What do you REALLY need to know about birth?" written by Vicki Elson, MA, and childbirth educator.  She had watched 62 television and movie birth scenes just to know what was being presented to the public and whether this type of exposure was helpful or harmful to future parents, and how childbirth educators can offer balance with a "dose of reality."

She found dozens of variables from "39 (63%) television birth scenes and 23 (37%) movie birth scenes. There were 24 (39%) comedies, 30 (48%) dramas, and 4 (6%) actual births (i.e. documentaries)."

Her find was interesting.  If you drew up a composite "average" birth scene from these 62 clips, "the mother would be married, white, upper-middle-class, heterosexual woman in her 30’s, happy to be having her first baby. The father would be present but distracted. The birth would take place in a hospital. It would be fast and hard. The mother would be semi-sitting, wearing a hospital-issue “johnny” and screaming. The person in control would be a white male doctor. The nurses would be white women. The baby would be a healthy boy (who looks about three months old). The music would certainly be cloying in the immediate postpartum bonding scene."  Not too encouraging for the ready-to-be parents.


From these clips, there were "...the frantic rushes to the hospital, attacks of laboring women on men, questionable competency of the doctor and/or nurses, car births, and the desperate cry for drugs" to list a few of the scenarios.  And it's not to say that these situations don't happen - the writers have to get their ideas from somewhere.


This list then brings to mind any number of movie birthing scenes. I'm doing this by memory.  There is the absolute ridiculous scene from Micki and Maude, directed by Blake Edwards and starring Dudley Moore as a bigamist.  Of course, both his wives (who don't know about each other) are delivering babies at the same time, in the same hospital.  The only thing I clearly remember is Dudley running around like a crazy man between both rooms and Amy Irving (his second wife) standing on the hospital bed, acting like a male gorilla claiming dominance.  


Robin Williams played a foreign, incompetent doctor in 9 Months.  There were two simultaneous births, a video taping dad, a fight scene, and a mad dash to the hospital complete with the car full of strangers.  The baby/daddy bonding scene at the end is sweet, nonetheless.


Junior - Arnie having a baby?  And told to push during a c-section?


Father of the Bride 2 - "Older" mother Diane Keaton finds out she is pregnant at the same time her daughter is.  Personally I can relate to this one a little bit since my youngest son is only six years older than my first grandchild.  I loved watching Steve Martin catering to these two women in his life and of course, going between both hospital rooms when they go into labour at the same time.


Parenthood - a good movie showing the ups and downs of being a parent.  The triumphs, the mistakes, the hilarity, the frustration, and the need for family.  The birthing scene at the end is short, but sweet, and also encompasses the waiting room anticipation.


I have been blessed to be able to birth six children.  All in hospitals (six different ones).  All while I was sitting up in a bed, wearing a gown (I fit the composite average).  All but the last one drug free.  I trusted each of the nurses that helped me and the doctors that delivered my 3 sons and 3 daughters.  One doctor introduced himself after delivering my speedy 2nd child, one nurse stayed after her shift was over and helped me through my epidural.  I've never strangled anyone, cursed at anyone, jumped up and down on the hospital bed, or told my husband I hated him.  But I did ask my friend who was driving me to the hospital to run a red light (mad dash scene with speedy 2nd child).  And I did question to myself the competency of the older nurse who told me at 7 cms I couldn't have any drugs (and was very thankful to the nurse who took over after her she'd give me an epidural until I was ready to push).


I understand the need in the entertainment industry to keep the audience glued to the screen, to present every day scenarios with a dramatic flair, or an over-the-top wild imagination, but what is Hollywood presenting us here with their childbirths?  How do first time-to-be parents react to some of these things?  Are they encouraged or frightened?  Do these movies present good role models or do most movie goers see it as no more than entertainment?  Should there even be birthing scenes on screen or should it be left a private thing?


Are there any movie birthing scenes you have found memorable for good or bad reasons?


Let's talk movies and don't forget the popcorn!

Music in Movies

What music inspires you?

Music is a powerful tool used in the movies to help manipulate the audience to feel what the director wants conveyed:   sadness at loss (Romeo and Juliet theme), joy at triumph (Rocky's "Gonna Fly"),  tension when being chased (the chaotic piano banging in The Fugitive).  There are some music segments made so famous in the original movie that they can never be used in anything else, from the likes of Psycho, and the opening credits from Star Wars and Indiana Jones, to name a few (even at the mere mention of these movies you might find yourself humming one of the tunes).

Some movie characters have their own few bars of music, like the obvious Darth Vadar.   I worked this out one night when my husband and I listened to (not watched) the movie Dave through our stereo while lying in bed.  If you want to have a fun time using your recall skills, try this sometime.  Find a favorite movie of yours and just listen to it (it's also fun for the kids).  One of our favs is Dave.  We quote lots of lines from it, but the music is not too memorable.  But when we just listened to it, we noticed that there were several characters that had their own theme that played when they entered the scene.  I was able to isolate the music and really pay attention to it.  I have yet to do this with another movie, but I'd like to try it on an action flick and see how music is used to bring the heart level up.

It would also be fun to do the opposite.  Watch a movie with just the dialogue, no music.  Imagine Jaws without those famous two notes or Beaches without Wind Beneath My Wings.  It just wouldn't be the same, would it?  We wouldn't be as scared or crying as much. Or perhaps we'd be left feeling uncomfortable.  I watched the dramatic French film "Incendies" not long ago and one thing I noticed was the lack of music within the film.  It didn't use music to milk the emotions or pad the dialogue. The movie had enough tension, drama, and devastation brought on by the plights of the main characters. Their stories made you squirm and feel exhausted by the time you were done watching. I think the absence of music was very effective in this case.   On the other hand,  I appreciated the movie The Artist for the use of its music.  It was a black and white silent film, so a lot depended on music, scenery and facial expressions to bring across the movie's plot.  It was done beautifully without being over the top.

Tonight I watched the last scenes in The King's Speech just so I could hear one of my favorite pieces of music:  "Symphony no. 7 in A Major: Allegretto" by Beethoven.  This music inspires me.  It makes me want to listen to it over and over again (I usually play it several times so I can really soak it in).  It makes my heart soar and I'm convinced that it's God-inspired.  When I saw this movie in the theatre, there were tears running down my face during the particular scene when King George VI is giving his first wartime speech.  Seeing Colin Firth's fear and insecurity, Geoffrey Rush's guidance, Helena B-C's hope, a nation holding their breath while listening to their unsure monarch, all while this fabulous music was slowly leading to a crescendoing triumphant finish rendered me speechless.  There really haven't been too many times in my movie watching life where I have thought that a particular scene and its music went so well together as in this scene.  I thought the whole movie was brilliant, but this scene gave it the Oscar for me.


So what is it about music that inspires us?   Think of some of the movie soundtracks you listen to.  What makes them so enjoyable?  How did the music add to the movie? Have you ever found any music in a particular not suitable or distracting?                  Let's talk movies and don't forget the popcorn!

Sci-Fi Movie Review - Signs

My girls and I watched the movie Signs yesterday - a 2002 sci-fi/drama movie starring Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix, directed by M. Night Shyamalan.  IMDB description:   A family living on a farm finds mysterious crop circles in their fields which suggests something more frightening to come.


I never get tired of this movie.  I know what happens but I still hide my eyes in certain parts and get teary in others.  On the surface, it's about "signs" left in the form of crop circles all over the world and the world dealing with the idea that earth has been visited by extra-terrestrials.  


The family in focus is barely surviving after a tragedy has shaken them to the core.  Mel Gibson's character Graham has turned his back on God and his position as a reverend of the local church.  The youngest child, played gorgeously by Abigail Bresler, has a hang-up about drinking water, and the older son, played by young Rory Culkin, suffers from asthma and takes life too seriously.  Joaquin Phoenix is Merrill, their uncle, who once was a promising baseball player, and is now living with them in the house and going through his own self-esteem issues.


Because of an emminent attack by ETs, the family must come together and Dad must rise up and protect them.  Lacking faith, he is trying to muster up the courage to defend his family and to make decisions.  Where he might have relied on God before, he now is blaming Him and angry with Him.  


Graham has a discussion with Merrill about the perspective of coincidence -  about there being two groups of people who look at a lucky situation in different ways.  Group 1 sees it as a sign, that someone is up there watching out for them, which leads to hope. Group 2 sees it as pure luck, a happy turn of chance.  But whatever happens happens and they are doing it alone, which ultimately fills them with fear.  Graham then asks, "See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, that sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences?"  Merrill states that he's a miracle man.  Graham then states that there is no one watching out after them and that they are alone.  This presents the deeper level of the movie - whether everything happens for a reason.


This is not just a believers movie, but I see Signs as more than just an alien movie.  I think that things do happen for a reason, things that seem inconsequential serve purpose, and that bad things that happen can be turned around and serve good purpose.  I would consider myself a part of Group 1, that I am being watched out for.  I see signs of God everywhere and I am filled with great hope.


But I leave this to judge for yourself - I recommend this drama/sci-fi/mystery/thriller movie.  There are a couple of intense scenes that might disturb younger viewers and there are a few expletives, said in distress.




Do you see yourself in Group 1 or Group 2?  Signs or coincidences?  Does everything happen for a reason or que sera, sera?  Let's talk movies and don't forget the popcorn!